I started out having a good day. I woke up and my husband made me a delicious fruit parfait, and then I went back to sleep, and woke up and made myself some tuna in a whole wheat wrap with a whole tomato sliced up.
I kept up on my snacking throughout the day, I had an orange for a snack later in the afternoon and I made spaghetti with salad for supper -- was careful to not have too much of my spaghetti and have more salad. I was full after that.
Then came the dreaded evening. I don't know what it is but sometimes I just get these insane cravings. I tried everything to get rid of those cravings but it became so powerful I felt like I would die without that sugar. Every fiber of my being was screaming to the top of its lungs for it.
I have snacks here for moments where I get a craving, but they just weren't cutting it. I had some Special K popcorn chips (sweet n salty), it tasted like dirt because it wasn't what I wanted. Then I had a 100 calorie fudge bar from thinsations... it didn't have that chocolatey sweetness I wanted... so I thought I needed something to fill me up, I had some pistachios and again it just wasn't enough. I bought some Bernard Callebaut dark chocolate (nasty stuff) when I had went grocery shopping, so I grabbed just a few of those hoping if I just had a few pieces it would curb it. I originally bought those to melt down and dip fruit in for a healthy chocolate snack. STILL didn't help.
Finally I turned to my husband and begged him to go get some donuts (mostly because I had seen a character on a movie I was watching eating a donut)... so he went out and bought a dozen donuts. I ate 5 of them and felt horribly sick. After the first donut I had a few bites and my craving was instantly satisfied but I finished it anyway. Then I kept going because well, I already made that night a write off so might as well.... and kept on that mindset of "might as well" until I made myself sick. This is not something I am proud to have done, and definitely not something I proud to share but this is my journey and in my journey there will be ups and downs. I don't want to sugar coat (no pun intended) anything for anyone reading this. It is hard to lose weight, and I will fail. Doesn't make me a failure.
I want to state that those of you who are reading this and scoffing and rolling your eyes saying "why would you do that?" "Why would you eat the food" Let me tell you they have done studies, I looked it up:
"According to a new research study, refined sugar is far more addictive than cocaine -- one of the most addictive and harmful substances currently known.
An astonishing 94 percent of rats who were allowed to choose mutually-exclusively between sugar water and cocaine, chose sugar. Even rats who were addicted to cocaine quickly switched their preference to sugar, once it was offered as a choice. The rats were also more willing to work for sugar than for cocaine."
So there you have it, not making any excuses but I am simply stating that people often discard the fact that sugar is a highly addictive substance, it is a real thing and a real problem. It is understandable to have an alcohol addition, or a drug addiction, or a gambling addiction -- but when people think about sugar they don't realize it IS a drug. Emotional eating is a real thing too, sometimes you just lose control but again that doesn't make you a failure! It doesn't mean you won't ever reach your goal.
I want to share a very inspirational picture that my friend Joelene sent to me. I am leaning on that right now.
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"Most people think success is a straight and narrow path of success to your goal. Where in success is knowing how to learn from your failures, getting up when you fall, and not letting setbacks keep you from your goals! Just because you have failed doesn't mean you are a failure! This day is a new day. Make it count!" |
Well that all being said I definitely curved away from my goal yesterday but today I feel I am doing much better. As a result of eating that crappy sugar my energy level today was horrible. I slept in till just after 10am which means I technically skipped breakfast. I didn't really have an appetite until after 11am so I technically had "brunch" which was my left over spaghetti and more caesar salad.
I know I am not supposed to skip meals but this is what indulging in the junk does, it screws up your body. Yesterday I was SO STARVING every 3 hours, which is good. My body was starting to adjust to the new eating schedule of eating 6x a day to boost my metabolism and in a moment of weakness I set myself back. It was one day. I am choosing to keep going towards my goal and stay on track.
So regardless, I did work out today with Joelene. She had a brutal, and I do mean brutal work out in store. It motivated me to push through because I had slipped, instead of using that to bring me down and using that as an excuse to keep eating the crap I used it to motivate me to bust my buns and to burn as many calories as possible in that work out.
For our cardio we did something super extreme, we did the following without stopping:
1 burpee
1 body weight squat (bws)
2 burpees
2 bws
3 burpees
3 bws
4 burpees
4 bws
5 burpee
5 bws
1 MINUTE REST THEN BACK TO TOP & DO REVERSE WITHOUT STOPPING(5 bws, 5 burpees, 4 bws, 4 burpees, etc.)
My lungs hurt so bad, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it might burst out of my chest, I was so thirsty but was worried if I took a drink I would drown, lol. That was literally the MOST intense cardio I have ever done in my whole life. It was a total of 30 burpees and 30 body weight squats. Don't get me wrong when I work out on the treadmill and I am running my heart is pounding pretty hard but this cardio was different, the entire time my heart was pounding and my lungs felt it throughout our entire work out... now as I said this was just our cardio, we still had a workout to do after this....
We did 2 sets of side lunges (8 reps each side), lateral leg raises I think is what it was called where you lay on the floor and have one leg in the air and lift your bum off the ground and point your pelvis to the ceiling. I can't do that i'm not quite strong enough so I needed both legs on the ground and did a pelvis raise and squeezed my bum cheeks and since we are supposed to do 8 per leg and mine was just continual I did 16. Then we did this move where you raise one leg behind you and on the opposite side take a weight and lower down raising the leg behind you and back up, and of course 8 each leg. (2 sets!) it was a great work out. Definitely killer...
For those of you who are reading this and thinking "what the heck is a burpee?" it is where you jump up, go down into a push up position, do a push up, and spring back up and jump in the air and go back down and repeat which is a fast motion and super hard.
Yesterday & the day before I was having bad headaches (from my body detoxing from the sugar in my system) then after last nights moment of weakness I also got a headache from a sugar rush since my system was already cleansing itself. Well I guess I should expect to go through that pain staking process again.
Well this wraps up today's blog update and remember if you fall off, dust yourself off and get back up again and picture the curved road to your goal not a straight line.
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