Rough weekend

Well just a quick update this morning to catch you up to speed on the weekend. I will also blog tonight after my ridiculously hard workout - ha! I hope I can push through the exercise tonight as I am starting to feel under the weather (stuffed nose, slightly sore throat, and I am exhausted!)

We did our weigh in and measurements on Saturday and I was down 1/2lb Saturday.

Total Measurements/Weight Lost in January:
Chest: 2.5 inches
Hips: 2 inches
Waist: 3/4 inch
Legs: 1 inch off each leg
Arms: 1/2 inch off my R arm
Weight: 10lbs

So that was my total loss for one month! To celebrate Joelene and I went out for lunch at this amazing place where I live called "The Chopped Leaf" and it is actually healthy food, you can build your own wrap or salads or whatever! They have special soups of the day too. To my surprise Joelene paid for my lunch! =)
I got a whole wheat wrap with chicken, romaine lettuce, feta cheese, cucumber, peppers and red onion with a Greek vinaigrette; also had a broccoli cheddar soup.

After lunch we got pedicures! Then I got a 30 min Swedish Massage.

Sounds like a good weekend right? Well for my cheat night I decided to have butter chicken. I hated that I had this incredible feeling of guilt after eating it, again that diet mindset kicked in. I also had 2 9oz glasses of wine. We stayed up super late building our sons guinea pig cage, so I wasn't rested on Sunday at all (my own fault).

I stupidly weighed myself Sunday morning as it was the biggest loser finale and I was still on the fence if I would go or not -- after my scale showed me that I gained 2.5lbs (due to the sodium and sugar in the butter chicken and wine, Joelene informed me, but at the moment I didn't consider that!) my heart just sank. I was devastated. I worked so hard to be below that point and I got into another digit recently and to see myself creep right back up. There was no way in heck I was going to that finale - it would have destroyed me.

My friend Lisa won the biggest loser and I am proud of her, she did work hard! Then I look at myself and I am also working hard (now) and I got a little bummed out Sunday evening. I cried a lot. I kept thinking that I am working so damn hard at clean eating and exercising and I can't even treat myself because as soon as I do I gain it all back on the scale. 5 steps forward 10 leaps back.
Well the rational side of me didn't think that way but I can't ignore the other thoughts either. This is a hard journey I am on. There were other factors involved in my little breakdown but I don't want to share those details - they aren't weight loss related.

Joelene invited me over for green tea last night and we talked it all out and I did actually feel better. It really helped to get it off my chest and like I said I didn't even think that the gain was sodium and sugar based, for some reason I don't really think sodium adds weight but it does. She was amazing. She said "Tara, you didn't eat 30,000 calories worth of food it's impossible" and of course she is right.
I craved nachos last night for supper (so made them healthy...er) I am not sure you can really say nachos are healthy but I made them as healthy as I could. Joelene was thinking about why I was craving those and apparently the wine has some factor in that (the sugar in the wine) because she herself admitted that she craved something yesterday too after having a glass of wine on Saturday. I am now again thinking that perhaps weekly treats aren't in my favor, but I struggle with this thinking because that is the "diet" thinking that takes over. I can have a cheat night. I know this. Just don't weigh myself the next day! and make sure to not take so many cheats throughout my week.

My nutrition wasn't bad in what I ate over the weekend it was more so the skipped meals. I allowed myself 1 cheat meal but any meal skipped is a cheat. So in that logic I cheated a lot on the weekend. For starters there was the horrid Friday of not eating all day, then Saturday I just had 3 of my 6 meals, Sunday was the same thing 3 out of my 6. So that was 12 cheats I took for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Not eating at all is just as bad as eating crap -- or in the same ball park.
When I told Joelene about my Friday she told me that is likely why I lost only 1/2 pound, not that a half pound isn't anything to be excited for.. it pushed me to the 10lb loss but I probably could have lost more. My body is used to eating a certain way and I was NOT prepared. This week I am going to try to only have that 1 cheat night (if I even take it), no skipped meals or snacks is my goal (oh, and getting my water in!)

Honestly, I just have no excuses because I got like $400.00 worth of groceries and my fridge is stocked with fresh fruit and vegetables, the options and possibilities are endless for snacks and meals! I just need to take the time to make myself some food. I just felt so frustrated because if I am not 1 step ahead I feel like this whole thing could unravel. Which simply isn't the case - I would never allow myself to back track after all this but it was just a bit disheartening that I couldn't get my crap together food wise. I had no clue what to eat Sunday night nor did I have an appetite, I had some nice suggestions from Joelene but as soon as my husband said "healthy nachos" that's immediately what I wanted. Normally I am surfing pinterest for food ideas and I know what I am eating for supper by lunch, well this was at 5:30pm that this was decided. This weekend was just crappy and lets leave it at that.

It's Monday so fresh start. I have a whole new week to make my weight loss count. I found this pinterest recipe for a healthy baked French toast breakfast and I have been wanting to make it for awhile but didn't have strawberries.

I wanted to share this with you all because well... it's all apart of my journey and to show you that yes for the most part I do have it together and I am doing well but I do struggle and it isn't easy. Reading my blog you may think otherwise as I post about my exercise success and all these recipes, and I'm always cooking and my days just seem to run so smooth on text. I have proof read my blogs myself prior to posting and it does seem like I'm stead fast and nothing can sway me, well this weekend is proof that life happens and sometimes it's out of your control. However in my case, if I would have been more prepared that wouldn't have been so bad. I need to have some baggies of carrots or protein bars or something in my van so that I always have something.

I did poorly in the water department as well, but like I said it is Monday and it is a fresh start.

Anyway, with all that said I'm going to wrap this up and get to making my breakfast, my body is telling me to put food in it!

~Ciao