T25 - Day 19

Time to catch you up to speed...

Well the title of this blog should really read "temptation fail" but I've decided to keep track of how many days I've been doing the T25 so we'll stick with that.

Saturday was actually a decent day, I ate well and worked out - we did the cardio workout. Then Saturday night was date night/cheat night. I am starting to notice a huge trend and I think after Valentine's Day (my husband is planning something special) I am going to restrict my cheat days even more, or try and tweak it a bit. I find that I am more weak to temptation once I allow those doors to open; but I have said that about myself, I give an inch and it will go a mile.

We had Vietnamese food, mostly healthy but we did get some deep fried spring rolls and of course the peanut sauce I'm sure is both loaded with sugar and fat. On top of that I had two huge glasses of wine and a bag of chips. I don't even know why I bought the chips as I was STUFFED after dinner but for some reason I started eating the chips during our movie anyway. My stomach hurt and yet it didn't stop me.
Now remember I did say I wouldn't hide anything on this blog, or sugar coat it or make it seem like it is all daffodils and daisies... it was a moment of weakness that I am shamed to admit bled into the rest of the weekend.

I woke up earlier on Sunday, had some oatmeal and went off to church but I didn't pack a snack for the church and this is where the downward spiral began... came home and I had two... that's right, TWO egg salad sandwiches, some more chips, a few gulps of what was left of my husbands pepsi, then about 30-45 min after lunch we had decided to watch a family movie so I made popcorn (and let me tell ya I didn't go easy on the butter!) and we chowed down to the popcorn. Later that evening we went to my sister in laws to celebrate her birthday, I made a ceaser salad to bring and she made lasagna. I had a square and a half of lasagna and she had lemonade at the table, so instead of water I helped myself to a tall glass of that sweet juice and ate my lasagna before the salad... I didn't have room for any salad after that (well that and the salad dressing wasn't really to my taste). Then came birthday cake time, a chocolate mint cake with peppermint frosting (mint is a huge weakness of mine! Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream is my favorite). I didn't dish myself a piece it was dished for me, so I happily ate it. My mother in law went back for a half piece and I took the other half. Yes, you counted right I had a piece and a half of that chocolate cake.

I had a mild migraine and felt sick to my stomach (which honestly, I deserved!). I felt so ridiculous. Like a starved child who hadn't tasted food before, I couldn't get enough. The old me reared her ugly head this weekend and now my head is hung in shame and disappointment.

I made a vow to make today a better day, to drink my water today and make sure not to skip out on any meals. I was successful in that, but today was an extremely stressful and physically draining day. I woke up exhausted as my kids were up every hour or two last night and then I had a mile long chore list to contend with. Cleaning all my bathrooms, doing laundry, washing all my new Tupperware that arrived (by hand since my dishwasher was full) ... yadda, yadda, yadda... it was a very taxing day on my patience too. My kids just were constantly needing supervision for some reason or another making each task I had to do that much more challenging.

I had originally planned to have fish with roasted asparagus and roasted garlic parmesan cheese but I was flat on my butt when my husband was on his way home so he offered to bring home dinner. I am not going to lie, thoughts of KFC and McDonald's immediately came to mind, but I made that vow, remember? So I told him to go get me a chicken sharwarma on a whole wheat pita with roasted red pepper hummus and loads of veggies, yum!
I do feel as though we are eating out more then we should be, and definitely more then January.

It's so frustrating feeling like I am in this rut with absolutely NO reason to be. I had a great weigh in on Saturday! In one week I lost another 1.5lbs , I lost 1/4" off my waist, I lost 2 inches off my thighs. I was not overly joyed about it at first until I had some sense smacked into me. So this rut isn't caused my lack of results, I really don't know what it is. I feel an emotional barrier is there trying to sabotage me. I am missing the old eating ways of not having to think so much. Clean eating can taste good yes, but it does take planning and you need to be prepared. Last minute meal planning can lead to eating out... but all this trying to stay on top of things is just burning me out mentally I think. I know it will be worth it, I know it. Right now I am just so tired of thinking of healthy meals, it's not something I am familiar with and so therefore doesn't come easily for me.

What comes easily for me is what I grew up with (naturally). I can just get so exhausting to plan meals 24/7 which is why I think we are eating out more and why I think I am giving myself too much lead way on the cheating.

I didn't want to workout today. In fact, when Joelene texted that she couldn't workout tonight, I responded that I wasn't going to either, I was crabby and I flat out just didn't want to, I believe I actually told her I wanted to eat a bag of cookies (which isn't good to crave that when I actually need to bake 3 dozen sugar cookies for my son's beavers party tomorrow!). I had a nagging voice inside me though and I couldn't shake it, so at 8:30pm I said screw it and turned on the video and pushed through the 25min cardio workout.   Now I am enjoying a chocolate, peanut butter, and banana protein shake which is more then satisfying my craving.

Today may have been emotionally crappy but I do feel so proud of myself for staying on track with my eating and water and most of all actually pushing myself to workout even though every fiber of my being said NO!

Here's hoping tomorrow is better!