Today was a Doozie!

Day 19

I don't know why but today was extremely hard to complete my level 2. I was so tired only half way in I wasn't even sure if I would be able to finish it. Several times during the work out I had the thought pop into my head of: "Just turn it off, you can start it again later after you rest a bit..." ugh! Why do thoughts like that have to creep into our heads? I say 'our' because i'm sure i'm not alone here.

I didn't turn it off though. I did push through it, and strangely enough as I was driving to my friends place not 20 minutes later I was thinking, "hmm that wasn't so bad. I'm not even tired, I probably could have pushed harder"... I always think that way though, but during the work out I seriously feel like i'm going to die... or cry at least LOL

One more day of Level 2 before I can take a day of rest.
My friend wants me to join her in this "Jazzersize" thing, ever heard of it? Sounds pretty awesome. I have a lot of friends wanting me to do active exercise things with them, I need to be careful to pace myself though. I don't want to over-do it.
I wanted to take up walking with one friend like 3-4 times a week.... and was thinking of trying out this Jazzersize class with another friend, but it's just all bad timing right now. I'm right smack dab in the middle of my 30 day shred. I'll definitely need something else to move onto after I am done this but I just don't want to take on too much at once.

Yesterday I got a little down. I was recalling a few days ago when I went to extreme pita and there was this really thin girl there, she was maybe 110lbs soaking wet, anyway... so she had this pita and she was LOADING it with cheese and delicious sauces and meats... I couldn't help but have a moment of jealousy. Honestly if I was that thin I probably wouldn't be doing this hard core exercising. So yes, I am not only doing exercising now because I am bigger but also because I want to be HEALTHIER... that being said, if I WAS thinner I don't think I would care or the thought would even occur to me about being healthier.
My husband can eat whatever he wants and never gain a pound. I even LOOK at a cup cake and I gain a pound ;-) nah, not quite but just really got me thinking about metabolisms.

I just really feel guilty when I "treat" myself. Tonight my husband and I had sushi and last night wasn't the healthiest of dinners either. I've been golden all week though but all I can think of is the sodium level and is the 2 days of eating bad going to make me gain weight, not lose anymore... it's a bit much to always think of. Today I managed to drink close to 120oz of water.

Also the beauty/image thing. We are branded that beauty is what we see in magazines and huge posters at lingerie shops in the malls... when really so many of us forget that those women either starve themselves or are just air brushed to look that "perfect". A friend told me to google "Dove Models vs Victoria Secret models" you should do the same. The comparison is astounding, well if there is any comparison. I'll keep it suspenseful and let you check it out for yourself, but honestly I know who *I* personally think is "beautiful" :0)

I just hope that when I get down to my goal weight I will be happy with how I look, my goal weight is a bit of a ways off though I'm afraid. It will take a lot of hard work and sweat to pull it off but i'm not giving up, i'm NOT throwing in the towel.  

Keep rooting' me on friends! I need all the cheering I can get, it's getting tough right now.

~Ciao